Guess what stupid thing I did..

You'll never believe it.

Well if you knew me you wouldn't.

In fact I'm having trouble believing it myself but my sore bottom seems to be making it a bit easier to remember.

I guess you could say I finished the year off with a bang. Many of them to be more precise. 

Maybe it's a sign that a lot has changed in this last year. Especially the last 7 months living DD style. Let's start with things that have happened this year before I get to the big shebang. 

1. I quit school.

2. I moved from Missouri to Louisiana. 

3. I told my fiance about DD and started the lifestyle.

4. I was a brat.

5. Then I married my dear HOH and the love my life.

6. I was a brat.

7. We decided to try for a child.

8. I was a brat.

AND THEN

Drum roll please...

I grew up a little? Maybe? Well it's a start.

Want to know the crazy, stupid thing I did?

I wrote a note on my phone to David saying...ahem.."I'm feeling bratty and upset and I'm trying not to be outright disrespectful but it's getting too hard. I need help.." And wouldn't ya know he did?

There you have it folks: I got a hefty spanking brought on by none other than yours truly. What was I thinking? It lasted for almost an hour I think. I sorta lost track of time somewhere in there but it took a long time. And I cried right at the end. That is indeed what I needed, what I was after. But my God does it have to hurt that much to find a peaceful end???

The whole time I was thinking "what the hell did I get myself into? Why did I do this? Why did I essentially ask him for this? Okay okay, I've had enough!" He didn't stop though. No matter how much I whined he didn't stop. He didn't let up. And that's good. I think.

No it is...I know it is a good thing. But grrr it hurts. Red's kind of a celebratory color right? 

Happy New years eve? From my ass to yours?

No that's not right...

Is it midnight yet? Getting married makes you old and sleepy I think. 

Ash

PS. I still vote you visit my humor blog. http://oh-its-her.blogspot.com/  DOOO ITTT. More traffic might influence me to find more time to write. :)

baby plans in the works

Yes, you heard right. We are now planning to try to have a child. We are waiting until March so we can be certain David can reenlist as planned but as long as that goes as he is told it will then we will start trying for a baby. And since my parents as well as everyone in my family as well as David's family can get pregnant just walking past each other in the hall we're pretty sure it won't take long. But I have some concerns about it.

I've struggled with an eating disorder since I was 12 and went into recovery around age 17. I'm now 19. Everything seems to be normal for the most part in my system now but I'm just worried that it may have an impact on how quickly we can conceive. Nonetheless, I'm excited. He's excited. It just seemed like the right time. We are indeed real young but we are at a post right now that David cannot deploy from and it's fenced in and we've already been informed that we are stuck here until 2 years is up....which is kind of a while from now. After here we're using reenlistment to get us to Germany which we've already been told is most likely going to happen. Well I don't know about you, but I'm a bit terrified at the thought of having my first child in a different country and very possibly while my husband is deployed. A second child? Sure. But my very first? No thank you. Not when we have the option to do otherwise.

I've gotten a little prematurely excited. I've always wanted nothing more than to be a mother so hearing that we can try for that soon kind of set my googling fingers in motion. Do you know how much a crib costs???? I did not. But I'm looking into it all now. I think I need a basal thermometer.

We picked some names we like last night. It was more of a struggle than we expected. The name he likes his sister took (Chloe) and the name I liked for freaking ever his brother took (Ellie). So we've come up with these:

Boys:
Aiden James
Jadon Andrew

Girls:
Eliana Marie
Elise Marie

Ya like?

I am a little concerned and such about how DD will fit in with all this. Obviously I am aware that most couples have kids and have practiced DD just fine but how do you do it when you're pregnant? And afterwords, how do you keep it up with kiddies in the house?

I am in search of any and all advice regarding getting pregnant, pregnancy, child rearing, and DD WITH KIDS.

HELP?

:)

I'm off to google.

Ash

So I've changed things a bit...and have a question

Perhaps a lot a bit. The name as well as just about everything else has changed. I felt it was necessary.

Also I have a question.

Essentially here's the thing: I don't know that I'm always testing my husband but more like I'm realizing my loss of control and attempting to hit the "go back" button. I've found that now that he's stepped up I'm getting in trouble even more...not because he's stepped up but because I've gotten worse. Seriously. I've been spanked every night for probably the last 2 weeks and made maintenance worse pretty much every time. I'm really just curious if I'm alone on this one or not?

As soon as I feel he's truly stepped up I'm happy. And then moments later I realize he really is in control and I'm not. Then I kind of internally panic.

"What am I doing?"

"What have I gotten myself into?"

"That's a stupid rule. And I'm a grown woman for pete's sake! I'll do it anyway."

So you see my downfall....

I start thinking it's all silly and that I really don't need any of this so why follow any of the rules? I'm an adult. I can act like one on my own.

And it's true, I can. But sometimes I need a little help. I know that. And most days I crave the control he has. I crave his authority and want nothing more than to please him and submit to him. Almost everyday I wake up with that feeling. But then I go temporarily insane and think I don't need it and I'm crazy and weird to have wanted it in the first place. So I start breaking rules on purpose in an attempt to gain back some control and am met with a spoon...did I mention he got himself a wooden spoon? I dislike it. No that's not strong enough...I loathe with every part of my body (especially my ass) that damn spoon.

It's now reserved for when I get too loud or move too much.

But anywho, does anyone else ever get like this? I know I want this lifestyle and I never want it gone but sometimes I just have to plead temporary insanity because I suddenly go nuts for control.

I had a boyfriend once, well you can hardly call him that because it lasted all of two weeks, but regardless I was breaking up with him. I was mad and refusing to answer his calls. I was, however, calming and about to call him back when he sent me a text saying:

"I demand you to answer your phone now. That is an order Ashley."

Oh boy, that was the end of that. I broke up with him then and there. Over text no less. You order me?? You demand me? Ha! No way.

I had just been on instant messenger with a very good friend however...yes during the whole mess...and he was just watching this all unfold. I had a different relationship with this friend and he ordered me around all the time. The next thing he said was "I order you to go to bed now. NOW." And he laughed when I followed his directions with a smirk and a goodnight.

It takes a certain kind of man to make me listen. And there's very few of those. There's a select few I would still listen to. But not like I do my husband. But even those I listen to...whew...I give them a run for their money.

Oh boy, submission is hard.

Ash

pms tamed...maybe

Aunt Flow came to visit with a vengeance. Such a vengeance actually that we ended up at the hospital, but..another story for another time. Anywho, PMS thought it'd take over my body including the rational part of my brain. 3 days ago I got in trouble for attitude. Minor, but nonetheless, a punishment spanking. 2 days ago was a much needed maintenance that didn't really stick. Yesterday...well yesterday was rough.

"Will you be a good girl today?" He asked before I'd even opened my eyes in the morning.

"Of course." I told him. I had every intention to, too.

"Will you be a good girl today?" He asked during breakfast.

"Um yeah. Sure I will." Losing confidence...

"Will you be a good girl for me today while I'm gone?" he asked as he walked out the door for work.

"We'll see." Too many damn questions. 

I honestly was good most the day. My chores were done mostly before 1pm as the rule requests. I had a fairly good attitude too even after he got home and through dinner.

And then PMS took over again.

No. I Won't. You can't make me. Just leave me alone. Don't touch me. I'm not talking to you.

He tried to throw me some lifelines...he knew it was PMS...but I didn't take them. I 100% ignored them actually. I stuck my tongue out at one as a matter of fact.

"On your stomach. NOW." 

"NO"

"NOOWWW."

*pout*

OUCH OUCH OUCH OUCH etc

*5 mins later*

"We're really doing this again? Already? Back on your stomach."

OUCHESSSSSS

"Can I move now?" I whined.

"Actually now you can't. You will stay still until I say you can move."

10 seconds pass...

"Please can I now?"

"NO, don't ask again."

"...please??"

"Corner. Now."

He left the room for a bit to calm down.

"You've taken spankings, corner time, lectures....nothing's working so you're going to bed now. I don't want to see that phone light up again or I'm taking it. No computer. No netflix. No getting out of bed without asking."

I don't know why it took so long but his disappointment finally set in in my mind. I started to cry and apologized. He did too. He said he was sorry he had to do all this but I just wouldn't listen and he has to do this for me and for us to make us stronger. He was right.

In the morning I still couldn't get out of bed. Still no phone or computer or anything else. Not until after he went to pt and after he came home and had a shower and breakfast and was about ready to leave for work.

Now it's time for maintenance again. I kept my attitude in check today. But maybe PMS needs the reminder anyway...just in case.

Ugh...I don't feel good. Stupid cramps! You'd think all this spanking would make them not so bad!

Ash