It's been a while since my first post and there's a reason for that. Actually there's two reasons for that. One is that I'm lazy. I've got my main blog for my friends and family to keep up with and since it's supposed to be nothing but a humor blog when I live in the middle of nowhere with nothing around me...it takes some thought sometimes. The second reason, however, is that David has suddenly gotten much better at this and until a few days ago I felt no reason to post because we were just arguing about it.
We had had a conversation a couple weeks ago about consistency and exploring new punishments. We were scrolling through Clint's blog to do so and had come up with newer ideas. Unfortunately for me it now means that he takes my computer when it's the reason I failed to keep up with housework and I now get put in the corner which is boring as hell. But the consistency part didn't stick for more than a day. And as most DD woman understand, when you do something wrong and it goes unnoticed you get frustrated and hurt. Well I took that and made things worse. Once I noticed I started testing him. I stopped locking the door entirely and I fought him on everything. All that occurred was him arguing back and not doing anything about it but going to sleep in a huff.
The worst thing I do to him is act like a baby when I get really mad. Ya know, completely shut down and turn away from him usually at night so I can just claim I'm tired and go to sleep feeling neglected. Yeah he hates that. So as a last straw of frustration I did that. And I worked it. I was whining up a storm all night and was driving him crazy and he did nothing.
When he woke up he said "You do know you were a major brat last night right?"
"Yup"
"Reason for that?"
"You should know that." (oh I know but I was mad)
"Oh really? And what's that?"
"huff"
Eventually I caved and explained my frustrations with his level of consistency. To which he said we'd talk about later. Two days later is when we finally talked about it. He told me that I went about coming to him about something wrong. (No duhhhhh) And also that testing him was really wrong. And then I started arguing and that was really really wrong. And to all this he was going to give me 10 minutes in the corner and call it a day. At this point I knew I needed a spanking. I was feeling unloved that he wasn't willing to give me what I needed out of just not wanting to spank me right then. So I fought the corner. Which, I know, also wrong, but it got me exactly what I needed.
Over the bed I went and out came the dreaded fly swatter. (We lack any "real" implements but if you've ever felt the sting of the fly swatter you know it does the trick) But still he went pretty light and stopped at the first sign of me whining about it. He came up to do the part he's best at and hugged me and held me and rubbed my back and talked all soothingly to me but I was just mad. That wasn't all I needed and he should know that. If he doesn't want this then why doesn't he just tell me? Because he does want this. And suddenly I was hearing:
"Sweety? Sweety look at me. What's wrong? I didn't do it enough did I? Do you want more?"
I gave him a weird look. I did not *want* more but I did *need* more. So he clarified.
"No, I mean, do you need more? Talk to me baby. Tell me what you need."
I stayed quiet. But eventually just nodded and he figured it out.
"Alright I'll give you more. You know you can always ask me if you need more. You can always tell me what you need but you have to do it appropriately. I love you, now please come here. Come on now, over the bed"
And over the bed I went. And this time much harder. And he kept it up until I was full on sobbing. And then I was good. I felt so relieved. So loved. So cared for. So safe. I knew I was protected again. And I let it all out in his arms.
And then went back to the corner where I was supposed to go in the first place....lol.
Since then he's turned around 100%. He is in total HOH mode every second. He hasn't let any little thing slide. It's taking some getting used to as I've spent quite a bit of time in the corner now but I'm happy to see him trying so hard now.
We're starting boot camp this weekend. We'll see how this goes. I'm hoping it takes care of all our little issues if only for a short time.
