But officer, perhaps you didn't see my age?

As children we accepted rules and consequences as just a part of life. If you threw a tantrum as a toddler you may have been placed in time out. If you ignored curfew as a teenager you may have been grounded or perhaps lost the privileges to your car for a time. But we all live by rules do we not? The Bible states ten of them for everyone to abide by for their entire lives. No one is exempt regardless of how they feel about said rules. There are laws we all must consider in our day to day lives from speed limits to killing. We do not outgrow a need for rules and standards. We do not age beyond the need to accept them either. “But officer, perhaps you didn’t see. I’m actually 37, that seat belt law doesn’t apply to me.” You can try it, but it will not work. “But Your Honor, you must have missed that I’m 25 now so you needn’t punish me for killing that man.” These sound silly, do they not? We may not live in perfect peace and harmony, but what a world we’d live in if not for rules and standards to distinguish between right and wrong. And how worse off would we be with no system of consequences for not following them.

So then is it so ridiculous a thought to allow your partner in life, the one wants nothing short of the best for you, to create rules for you within your relationship for your own safety and wellbeing as well as for the wellbeing of your relationship with them? Of course there already are a few placed by society such as not cheating on your spouse. And would you think it wrong of him to punish you by leaving you if you were to do such a thing? Without consequence you’d learn it was acceptable to do repeatedly. It’s common practice to punish your spouse in this way for such an act. Without this rule and without this consequence the very foundation of the relationship is shaky and it poses risks for the future of the relationship. But what about smaller crimes? Is it safe to say that there are differences from couple to couple? That for one it might mean nothing to keep a kitchen full of unwashed dishes, but for another it could be a crack in the relationship’s foundation? I believe so. And if that’s the case is it more damaging to impose a rule stating that the dishes are to be washed after mealtime or to ignore it and the crack grow larger over time? And of course cops don’t let minor speeding infractions go unnoticed simply because it’s not a large enough crime to take you to jail and so is the same with minor infractions within a marriage. You wouldn’t leave your spouse because she failed to clean up the dishes after dinner one night. So what are you to do?

As we’ve decided, we don’t outgrow the need for rules and consequences. And just as laws and punishments are created to keep peace and harmony in a larger fashion, rules and punishments should be used within a marriage. So referring to those dishes: You can’t very well put your spouse in jail for such a thing nor would it make any sense to charge them like a speeding ticket. That’s both of yours’ money. Are you going to take money from yourself to punish your spouse? I think not. So what exactly are you to do? You cannot do anything without a blanket consent but with that you can use more traditional methods.

So we don’t want a crack in our foundation so we don’t want small crimes to go unnoticed. One option is to then spank the wife who didn’t do the dishes as told. “Spanking? You’re kidding? That’s for naughty children!” Didn’t we just decide that we don’t outgrow our need for consequences? And are you aware of the benefits of spanking a woman? Disregarding the relationship benefits we’ll focus on those for just the woman. It sets our hormones back in balance. We often get cranky during PMS and a spanking will knock you right out of that mode. It eases cramps and relieves stress. It gives a feeling of protection and love as well as forgiveness for whatever crime we committed. It can help with the treatment of anxiety and depression and simply get you back about your senses.

Now for the relationship benefits: It gives you both a sense of closeness and connection. It gives a clean slate and with a painful reminder to do as told the wife then thinks twice about not doing those dishes thus keeping that crack from growing. There are of course other options such as corner time and such for more minor infractions. This lifestyle opens up the lines of communication and brings about a closeness that can’t be denied. You each have your roles within the relationship and they are defined. There is no power struggle. And of course the benefits to the man are that that he feels respected and thus becomes more respectful towards his wife. Would you consider it demeaning for a husband to expect that his wife not text and drive? She could be seriously injured or killed! Would it then be best to sit and let anger drive you with nothing to do about it if she decides to ignore a rule that could save her life? Or would it be better to spank her and hold her after, letting her know that it’s wrong and that it’s wrong because you love her and care about her safety. And as a wife, would you respect the husband that wasn’t concerned enough about your safety to intervene when you are doing something possibly dangerous?

Of course, there’s much more to the lifestyle that I haven’t went about explaining but the point being that we don’t age beyond the need to feel the protection that rules and consequences provide so why is it such a crazy idea for a husband to have rules for his wife that keep her safe and healthy and their relationship stable and happy?

Rules and consequences: we all have them whether they are laws and penalties put upon us by the police and justice system or commandments from the Bible or even punishments doled out by a boss at work. When did marriages become exempt from rules that create peace? I don’t know about you but I’d rather take a spanking than crack the foundation of my marriage.

And you can have that with domestic discipline. Not so crazy after all, huh?

This is simply something I decided to write in defense of DD. I hate hearing that as wives, we should be too old to be punished and having our relationships compared to that of a parent/child relationship. I suppose it does no good on a DD blog connected with only other DD blogs but this is the only place I really have to put it besides sitting on my hard drive. I would love to hear what you all think of it and constructive criticism is welcomed and encouraged. 

Ash

Rebellion Squashed

So we had a talk and I think we're back on track.

After maintenance 2 days ago I couldn't shake the pouting afterwords. I was crabby and bratty and refusing to speak which only served to anger him. I didn't know what was going on but he was demanding an answer so I just shut down. It was like I'd lost all control over my ability to speak and form full thoughts. He asked if I needed more. I did. That I'm sure of. But like hell was I going to tell him. Not when I'm that angry, that upset, that hurt and without a clue why. Stubborn took over.

Finally after about 45 minutes of this he calmed and looked at me and said "Are you trying to figure out how to explain something or are you just ignoring me?"

"Trying."

"Then I'll wait" And so he laid there looking at me and I looked back with a whirlwind of thoughts and feelings until I finally got some out.

First I explained my biggest thing: He asked if I needed more and even though I know I'm supposed to answer yes when I do I just needed him to make that judgement call on his own sometimes.

"I hate that I need the things that I do so I can't bring myself to ask for them."

He looked at me with a mix of sternness and sweetness and told me that he felt like the luckiest guy in the world having a girl who needs the things that I do. He spent a good few minutes reassuring me that no matter what anybody else thinks, he loves me and loves our lifestyle, that I'm not weird and that he'd be super bummed if ever I truly decided I didn't want DD anymore.

Suddenly it was like a weight had lifted off my shoulders even though I already knew most of what he said. Sometimes I just get it in my head that I can't be normal and why would he love me if I'm not normal? So I get lost and tongue tied and what I really need is for him to take control again.

After that we discussed what I had in my last post: the fact that I can't seem to stop testing him. I realized my pouting had little to do with him and more to do with being aggravated with myself for being unable to stop testing and I told him so. He said he somewhat understood, "So we're married now and you're retesting your boundaries and limits. In that case I'm going to squash this rebellion."

And he did.

Last night.

Hard.

Once again I was testing. I hadn't finished any of my chores the other day because he surprised me by coming home from the field early and I guess since I'm used to having chores only when he's at work I didn't think about needing to get them done while he was there. But he understood that he kept me occupied and was lenient. He said I was to get my chores for that day done as well as the chores for the next day all during the next day. And after my bratty testing he decided to add in some additional chores. I don't know why I said it but I said it:

"I'm not doing it."

"Let's here you say that again."

"I'm not doing it!" What am I stupid? I plead temporary insanity.

"Okay. Take off your pants."

"I take it back! I take it back!"

"So you're going to do all the chores tomorrow? And you know if you don't you'll get a red bottom when I get home and still have to get them done?"

"Er...yes?"

"No worries babe, I know what you mean. You don't want to take it back. Either way you're getting a spanking now so you might as well say what you mean." When did he get so HOHy? "Now go to the corner. NOW."

I saw what I thought was an opportunity after the corner and I ran for a big hug full I've tears and 'I'm sorrys'. No such luck. He turned on the bath tub and the fan. (We live in an apartment so to block out the noise of swats for the neighbors when make more noise to cover it up.)

"I don't know if you're really sorry now but you're going to be. Over the bed now. I'm not doing this how you like it. I'm doing it with the way it hurts and the way it's uncomfortable"

He saw I looked scared so he calmed a bit. Not that he wasn't calm then. He just was very stern and switched to a very loving tone. "I'm still right here, baby. It's still me spanking you. There's no reason to be scared. I love you and I'm still close to you. Not as close as over the knee (the way I like it) but I'm still right here." He rubbed my back and began spanking just with his hand.

"Do you understand why I'm doing this?" I nodded.

"Do you think I'm being fair?" I didn't want to admit it but yes so I nodded.

"Good. I told you I'm going to squash this rebellion and I am right now. You need to be thinking about how you talked to me, that you need to be respectful, and that you shouldn't be hitting me." I hadn't actually hit him and I never can hit hard. At all. No ones ever complained about my hitting them. But he decided it's a matter of respect and made a rule that one hit results in a severe spanking. I refrained all day but he thought he'd add that in there to make a point for the future. I really did feel bad. I'd completely disregarded his feelings in all of this and disobeyed time after time and the quick swats he gave me each time just didn't have any effect so I did something I've never done before.

I started sobbing after he'd spanked only with his hand after all of maybe 4 or 5 swats. In all honesty he's never been sexier or manlier than he was right then. I expected him to give into me since I was crying so soon but he didn't. He was determined to make a point and didn't let up until he thought it was memorable enough for it to serve as a reminder for the future. He was determined to squash the rebellion. And I believe he did. He broke two flyswatters over my ass. Granted they are like 95 cent fly swatters and we usually go through one every week or so as it is because they are crap but two in one night was indeed memorable. And I respected him for it. I still do. And that was his point. He looked so strong and in control and I realized last night that he really is all the time and I shouldn't be testing I should be trusting. He really does always have my best interest in mind. Always.

I couldn't help but immediately falling into his arms when it was done. I usually take a couple minutes to process things before I give in to his consoling and hug on him. But this time it was immediate and I sobbed and repeated 'I'm sorry' over and over. He reassured me of his love as always and told me it's a clean slate now. No need to keep apologizing, it's all over and done with.

And I guess it is. But now I need to get back to those chores. I already have maintenance tonight. I don't need another punishment on top of it. It already hurts to sit.

DD is sometimes a bit messy and sometimes it hurts. But it's always worth it.

Ash

Oh the married life..

So we're married! And boy my ass is sore!

Nobody give me alcohol. EVER. See I'm a lightweight. 5'2" and just over 100lbs and rarely drink anything. So one and a half Mike's later and I'm trashed. Seriously. I barely remember last night. That wasn't our wedding night mind you. I'm 19 and though promised, nobody bothered to bring me any alcohol for our wedding night and David had already been drinking too much to take me to get some. Can I turn 21 already?

Maybe that'd be bad. More access to alcohol is not what I need. I don't know what all I did last night but I do remember feeling strangely brave and testing every last thing he said.

I recall one incident quite well. He hates when I hit him. I can't hit hard and it usually just tickles him which is infuriating to me. Seriously! I'm mad at you over here and you're giggling like a 13 year old girl! Ugh! But usually I'm just trying to pester him anyway as I was last night so I didn't care if it hurt or not. I was barely tapping him in my drunken state but a rule's a rule and he's become quite consistent in the past couple weeks. I hit his leg 20 times all the while laughing to myself. When I was finished he said "Alright honey, you've had your fun, now that's enough." I apparently took it as a challenge. Who gave me this alcohol anyway? I started again. Nearing 10 he told me to "Knock it off" in no uncertain HoHy terms. I ignored. At 17 I paused as he finished saying "If you reach 20, then I reach 20." Knowing what that means I didn't wish to hit 20...but I did wish to hit 19. Apparently that was close enough. I got 20 with the stupid flyswatter.

Thats the only one I clearly remember but I got it a lot last night. I know that for sure. I guess because it didn't hurt so bad I thought it a good time to push limits. I failed to think about this morning when I would wake up with a very sore rump. Stupid, stupid me...


Also, the week leading up to our wedding was interesting. We were staying at my parents' house and they know nothing of DD. Well I tried starting an explanation to my mom with little eases into it, but when she got all annoyed at him giving me an 11pm off the phone rule, even with a funny story attached, (It's different if it vibrates though right?) I thought it best to not venture into any further explanations. So that left us with no real way to go about our lifestyle. And I took full advantage. Which pissed off David to the point that he FOUND a way to punish me. We simply went to the garage for spanking in the middle of the night. And I don't know what my problem was but I COULD NOT SIT STILL. I was literally terrified and I don't know why at all. There was nothing to be scared of. He was barely spanking me because he was worried about sound and there I was trembling and sobbing. I didn't feel it at all 2 minutes later. He had to stop and try to put me back in position time and time again and to attempt to console me when he realized just how scared I was.

So that led to 2 days before our wedding getting the question: Do you not want DD in our marriage?

What?

Of course I do! It works wonders for us!

He agreed and said he doesn't want it to go away because he feels it keeps our love strong but that he didn't understand my reactions to the 2 spankings at my parents.

I didn't either. I still don't. What's wrong with me?

The car ride home after the wedding was rough too. Well really just the last few hours. It was a long drive okay! Ha. And the next morning I paid for it. And once again freaked.

He decided it's just because we've been away from it for too long since we're used to maintenance every other day. We started that back up again and despite my bratty attitude...the freak outs have stopped. But I guess even a week of near freedom put me into some sort of funk because I've been testing everything and can't seem to get myself to stop.

I feel dumb. I'm not thinking before I act at all. I seldom do but I'm so much worse right now.

And it's not helping that I'm getting constant UTI's and can't do anything about them until we get the paperwork filled out so I can get on military insurance. And it's rotation. And it's not happening any time soon. It took a week for the stupid marriage license to get here and now it's rotation.

OMG.

Okay I need a nap.
I'm done rambling.

Toodles
Ash